Joke S4-20 crazy best short jokes cool extremely funny jokes funny really funny short jokes good super funny jokes clean school jokes

Have A Nice Day

Really Funny Short Jokes

Crazy best short jokes cool extremely funny jokes funny really funny short jokes good super funny jokes clean school jokes.

Jeff Dunham: typically [my wife] calls ME the 'the Hurricane'.

Walter: The what??

Jeff Dunham: The cyclone.

Walter: Buckeye State yea, I get it. Exciting initially, then it ends in disaster. You know, perhaps she ought to decision you FEMA. Slow to reply and not lots of satisfying results.

Jeff Dunham: I had grandparents that were well into their 80s and still were having fun.

Walter: Their 80s? The hell quite sex is that? 'Was it smart for you?' 'I do not remember'. 'It was 3 minutes ago!', 'Who area unit you?!?'.

Walter: I may get a true job.

Jeff Dunham: What would you do?

Walter: i would like to be a someone at Wal-mart.

Jeff Dunham: Wal-mart, huh? What would be your gap line?

Walter: 'Welcome to Wal-mart. Get your s**t and find out. Have a pleasant day'.

Jeff Dunham: Well if reincarnation happens, WHO would you come as and what would you do?

Walter: i would come as my married woman and leave ME the hell alone.

Peanut: i feel it might be cool to be a performing artist.

Jeff Dunham: Why's that?

Peanut: i would attend lots of funerals. 'Dearly beloved, we tend to {are|ar|area unit|square MEasure} gathered here today—' 'I'm not dead yet! Let me out of here! You son-of-a...'

Walter: My married woman and that i could not realize anywhere to park anyplace close to this stinkin' joint. and a few jerk force up in a very different Mercedes and force right into the handicap spot. He got out of the automotive and there was nothin' wrong with him, do not you hate that? therefore I ran his ass over. I created associate honest man out of him! And his mother got out of the opposite aspect and began swinging her crutches at ME -- took her out with the door.

Jeff Dunham: do not you are feeling rather bad?

Walter: Ah hell, they'll carpool.

Jeff Dunham: conductor, your girl|woman|adult female|spouse|partner|married person|mate|better half} could be a pretty woman.

Walter: She's obtaining recent.

Jeff Dunham: Well, you know, they assert that ladies age like fine wine.

Walter: She's aging like milk.

Jeff Dunham: Well, did they assert it'd be solely feminine virgins?

Achmed: Holy Crap! Wait... I may have Clay Aiken!

Jeff Dunham: Did you get the tattoo?

Walter: Hell no.

Jeff Dunham: Well if you had, what would you've got gotten?

Walter: i'd have gotten an attractive woman's face.

Jeff Dunham: Ah, and wherever would you've got place it?

Walter: On my wife's face.

Jeff Dunham: antibiotic for Valentine's Jeff Dunham and conductor Jeff Dunham: Happy contagion.

Walter: it absolutely was funny in Gymnasium, and it's still funny currently. i used to be aiming to purchase you chocolates, however I may solely afford the antibiotic.

Jeff Dunham: you are frightened of offending people?

Achmed: yea.

Jeff Dunham: you are a terrorist. You kill individuals.

Achmed: that is totally different. Killing individuals is easy; being correctness could be a pain within the ass.

Walter: My married woman and that i detected that occasional is sweet for your sex life.

Jeff Dunham: Buckeye State, and is it?

Walter: No. It unbroken ME awake for the full damn factor. I really had to participate!

Walter: My married woman and that i detected that occasional is sweet for your sex life.

Jeff Dunham: Buckeye State, and is it?

Walter: No. It unbroken ME awake for the full damn factor. I really had to participate!

Jeff Dunham: i favor Aquaman. He will breathe underwater and discuss with fish.

Melvin: yea, great. He has all constant powers as Spongebob.

Jeff Dunham: however concerning the Hulk?

Melvin: Why does one just like the Hulk?

Jeff Dunham: Well, the angrier he gets, the stronger he gets.

Melvin: yea, like each white-trash guy on Cops.

Jeff Dunham: Well if reincarnation happens, WHO would you come as and what would you do?

Walter: i would come as my married woman and leave ME the hell alone.

Walter: [referring to his argument on the phone along with his wife] You detected alittle of that, didn't ya?

Jeff Dunham: Buckeye State yea.

Walter: I decorated abreast of her.

Jeff Dunham: Not smart.

Walter: yea. She known as back and she's like "Did you suspend abreast of me?" I same "I do not know, did it sound one thing like this - CLICK!"

Jeff Dunham: Did that create her angry?

Walter: Oh, I felt a disturbance within the Force!

Jeff Dunham: however area unit you doing, Walter?

Walter: What the hell happened to your hair? it's such as you were in a very freakin' automotive wreck.

Jeff Dunham: Well, they same it makes ME look hip.

Walter: i feel it causes you to look homeless! Been in D.C. for 2 days and you are already freakin' homeless!

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Knock, knock.

Jeff Dunham: Who's there?

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: ME, I kill you!

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: 2 Jews get in a bar...

Jeff Dunham: No. No.

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: What?

Jeff Dunham: No.

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: What? you do not let Jews in your bar? You racist bastard!

Jeff Dunham: you recognize, they are swing lots a lot of territorial reserve on the border between the U.S. and Mexico. will this concern you?

Jos Jalapeo: No, seor.

Jeff Dunham: Why not?

Peanut: he is already here! you actually area unit associate idiot!

Jeff Dunham: therefore, Jos, area unit you here on a short lived visa? area unit you here on a piece visa?

Peanut: he is here on a stick!

Jeff Dunham: You relish being during this country?

Jos Jalapeo: typically i am afraid for my life.

Jeff Dunham: Why?

Peanut: Taco Bell!

Jeff Dunham: therefore you are Muslim?

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: i do not assume therefore.

Jeff Dunham: you do not assume you are Muslim?

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: No.

Jeff Dunham: Why not?

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: check up on my ass. It says: "Made in China".

Jeff Dunham: another superhero: attendant.

Melvin the Superhero Guy: Buckeye State...

Jeff Dunham: What?

Melvin the Superhero Guy: mature men carrying a rubber suit... hanging around with a young boy! i do not have to be compelled to have x-ray vision to check what the hell goes on there!

Jeff Dunham: yea, I've continuously questioned concerning superheroes and their young men sidekicks.

Melvin the Superhero Guy: [stares at Jeff] you've got 5 men in a very luggage and one amongst them is on a stick! Who's slippy down the proverbial back pole now? If you had a topic song, it'd be, "La lala laaaaaa!"

Jeff Dunham: you recognize I even have a married woman and 3 children.

Melvin the Superhero Guy: therefore will Tom Cruise!

Jeff Dunham: simply sit still.

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Okay, i'll not move my ass.

Walter: [from the suitcase] You retard, you do not have associate ass!

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Is that Walter?

Jeff Dunham: affirmative.

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: He scares the crap out of ME! Please don't place me back within the same suitcase!

Jeff Dunham: Why?

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: He has gas. Saddam's poison gas was nothing compared to a conductor fart!

Jeff Dunham: will your married woman have any powers?

Melvin the Superhero Guy: affirmative, really, uh-huh.

Jeff Dunham: What area unit they?

Melvin the Superhero Guy: Well, once a month... she becomes "evil!" and that i cannot defeat her! our kids run in terror! Our massive dog cowers below the couch!

Jeff Dunham: you've got a giant dog?

Melvin the Superhero Guy: Well, actually, I borrowed your chihuahua.

Jeff Dunham: Look, if you have been in my luggage all this point, however have you ever been obtaining through security at the airports?

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Buckeye State, that is straightforward. They open the case, and that i go "Hello! i'm Lindsay Lohan!"

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: i am kidding. i'd not kill the Jews. No. i'd toss a penny between them and watch them fight to the death!

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: I did constant factor with a pair of Catholic monks, however I tossed in a very little boy! Yes! Yes! and also the winner had to fight Michael Jackson!

Jeff Dunham: you cannot tell jokes like that!

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Why not? i am killing... therefore to speak!

Jeff Dunham: concerning the "suicide bomber coaching camp": Is that a pleasant facility?

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: It accustomed be!

Jeff Dunham: What happened?

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: New guy! The retard tried to practice!

Jeff Dunham: What did you guys learn from that?

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION!

Jeff Dunham: Jos, i have to say you speak English o.k..

Jos Jalapeo: Gracias, Seor.

Jeff Dunham: What were a number of the primary phrases you learned in English?

Peanut: "Will you facilitate ME push my car?" "Does this I.D. look real to you?"

Jeff Dunham: can you stop it?

Peanut: "Where's the closest Home Depot?"

Jeff Dunham: Stop it!

Jos Jalapeo: really, that last one was true.

Jeff Dunham: therefore Achmed, what precisely happened to you?

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Well, i used to be obtaining hydrocarbon and that i answered my telephone. are you able to here ME now?

[Imitates explosion]

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: initially i believed it absolutely was as a result of I went over my minutes.

Jeff Dunham: that is regrettable.

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: It's okay, I took that Verizon bastard with ME.

Jeff Dunham: therefore um, what is it wish to die? does one see a white light?

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: If you are dumb enough to observe the explosion, yes.

Jeff Dunham: No, I mean some individuals say they see a white light-weight. What did you see?

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: I saw flying automotive elements.

Jeff Dunham: What because the final thing that went tho' your mind?

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: My ass.

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: conductor told ME to inform that joke.

Jeff Dunham: therefore you ne'er saw a white light?

Achmed the Dead Terrorist: No, however I saw a blue Prius!

I tell you boy, the wheel is popping, however the gnawer is dead.